My Husband Lies
My husband lies. I’ve known this for a while.
When I was in the hospital after throwing up everything for four days, including ice chips, and I had a tube down my nose to clear up an intestinal blockage, he told me I was beautiful.
He says nothing makes my butt look fat.
He keeps telling me that he likes my white skin (with skin cancer twice, I can’t chance getting a tan).
When I ask him if I’m driving him crazy with my back seat driving, he says, “Oh, not at all.”
When the Victoria’s Secret commercial comes on, he says “Please change the channel and don’t make me watch those yucky women.”
He says everything I write is wonderful.
And he tells anybody who will listen that my farts smell like roses.
He lies. But I will keep him as long as he’ll let me.